by guest blogger Jeffrey Cohen; Jeff is an Executive Coach in New York City
Have you noticed that some people have a knack for getting through to people, convincing them to buy into their plans, goals and desires? It may seem like magic, but it really isn’t.
When the brain’s “mirror neurons” fire, we have the ability to be transported into another person’s mind, briefly making us feel what the other person is experiencing. These cells are nature’s way of teaching us to care about other people.
Neurologist V.S. Ramachandran, director of the Center for Human Information Processing at the University of California, San Diego, calls them “empathy neurons” or “Dalai Lama neurons,” as they dissolve the barriers between self and others. So, what’s the secret to activating the “mirror neurons” when you’re talking to someone?
Rewire Yourself to Listen
Many of us don’t listen well, especially with the people we deal with each day. We think we already know what they’re going to say. We interrupt. We try to top their story with a better (or worse) one of our own. We talk around, over and up against people, with little actual listening to them.
Beware the Amygdala Hijack
The amygdala is a part of the brain that processes memory and emotional reactions (especially fear and anger). When it takes over, the primitive reptile brain runs the show, and surges of adrenaline keep us from thinking clearly over the next few minutes — an effect that may take hours to fade.
The term “amygdala hijack,” first coined by psychologist Daniel Goleman, refers to what happens under acute stress. Goleman uses the term to describe emotional responses from people which are out of measure with the actual threat. An amygdala hijack exhibits three signs: strong emotional reaction, sudden onset, and usually a post-episode realization that the reaction was inappropriate.
If you’ve ever said or done something in the “heat of the moment” that you later regretted you were probably the victim of an amygdala hijack. Sound a little bit like yourself on a bad day? Sometimes you just want to explode when someone “pushes your buttons”?
Use the 6-second rule. Pause for 6 seconds to take 6 deep breaths, think about 6 fun things you want to do over the weekend or anything that will help you focus on something else until the initial reaction to lose control subsides.
Try saying something like: “Thank you for your feedback. I need to think about this. Can we schedule a time to talk about this more tomorrow?”
You don’t. You’d be wasting your time. You must speak to him before the hijack occurs — or talk him down from it using empathy.
Master this short model for empathetic listening. It has two simple steps …
Ask! Listen! –Ask! Listen! — Ask! Listen!
That’s it. Note that “Talk!” is not in this formula.
Here are some sample statements and questions to give you the idea. Remember, ASK, then be quiet and listen:
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes so you can change the dynamics of a relationship in a heartbeat. In that instant, you “get” each other, and this breakthrough leads to cooperation, collaboration and a genuine connection.
When you mirror what another person feels, she’s hardwired to mirror you in return. When you say, “I understand what you’re feeling” — and you mean it — she will feel grateful and, in return, express her appreciation with a desire to understand you. It’s an irresistible biological urge that pulls another person toward you.
“Brain imaging data that shows humans are literally ‘wired to connect’ emotionally,” says Carl Marci, MD. “There is now converging evidence that, during moments of empathic connection, humans reflect or mirror each other’s emotions, and their physiologies move on the same wavelength.”
Most of us want to be heard and understood by others. We want others to buy in to our plans, dreams, and desires. The “mirror neurons” research shows that if we’re around a positive and optimistic person we mirror their emotions. So, why not take the lead and leave the other person feeling good, feeling valued, feeling uplifted?
And then go one step beyond and ask “is there something I can do to help?” or “how can I help you make this happen?” Talk about your Mirror Neurons! You’ll be leaving them feeling good about themselves – and about you!
When you make that genuine empathetic “hot-sync” connection with someone else, you’re building trust, and more likely to transform yourself from a stranger to a friend and ally.
What’s your experience? What works for you (and what doesn’t) when you really want to connect with another person one on one? Do mirror neurons play a role in your ability to connect with your audience, if you’re presenting to a group? What if you could learn to easily synchronize your brain waves with someone else’s, to literally be “in-sync”, would you be interested?
by guest blogger Jeffrey Cohen; Jeff is an Executive Coach in New York City
Have you noticed that some people have a knack for getting through to people, convincing them to buy into their plans, goals and desires? It may seem like magic, but it really isn’t.
When the brain’s “mirror neurons” fire, we have the ability to be transported into another person’s mind, briefly making us feel what the other person is experiencing. These cells are nature’s way of teaching us to care about other people.
Neurologist V.S. Ramachandran, director of the Center for Human Information Processing at the University of California, San Diego, calls them “empathy neurons” or “Dalai Lama neurons,” as they dissolve the barriers between self and others. So, what’s the secret to activating the “mirror neurons” when you’re talking to someone?
Rewire Yourself to Listen
Many of us don’t listen well, especially with the people we deal with each day. We think we already know what they’re going to say. We interrupt. We try to top their story with a better (or worse) one of our own. We talk around, over and up against people, with little actual listening to them.
Beware the Amygdala Hijack
The amygdala is a part of the brain that processes memory and emotional reactions (especially fear and anger). When it takes over, the primitive reptile brain runs the show, and surges of adrenaline keep us from thinking clearly over the next few minutes — an effect that may take hours to fade.
The term “amygdala hijack,” first coined by psychologist Daniel Goleman, refers to what happens under acute stress. Goleman uses the term to describe emotional responses from people which are out of measure with the actual threat. An amygdala hijack exhibits three signs: strong emotional reaction, sudden onset, and usually a post-episode realization that the reaction was inappropriate.
If you’ve ever said or done something in the “heat of the moment” that you later regretted you were probably the victim of an amygdala hijack. Sound a little bit like yourself on a bad day? Sometimes you just want to explode when someone “pushes your buttons”?
Use the 6-second rule. Pause for 6 seconds to take 6 deep breaths, think about 6 fun things you want to do over the weekend or anything that will help you focus on something else until the initial reaction to lose control subsides.
Try saying something like: “Thank you for your feedback. I need to think about this. Can we schedule a time to talk about this more tomorrow?”
You don’t. You’d be wasting your time. You must speak to him before the hijack occurs — or talk him down from it using empathy.
Master this short model for empathetic listening. It has two simple steps …
Ask! Listen! –Ask! Listen! — Ask! Listen!
That’s it. Note that “Talk!” is not in this formula.
Here are some sample statements and questions to give you the idea. Remember, ASK, then be quiet and listen:
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes so you can change the dynamics of a relationship in a heartbeat. In that instant, you “get” each other, and this breakthrough leads to cooperation, collaboration and a genuine connection.
When you mirror what another person feels, she’s hardwired to mirror you in return. When you say, “I understand what you’re feeling” — and you mean it — she will feel grateful and, in return, express her appreciation with a desire to understand you. It’s an irresistible biological urge that pulls another person toward you.
“Brain imaging data that shows humans are literally ‘wired to connect’ emotionally,” says Carl Marci, MD. “There is now converging evidence that, during moments of empathic connection, humans reflect or mirror each other’s emotions, and their physiologies move on the same wavelength.”
Most of us want to be heard and understood by others. We want others to buy in to our plans, dreams, and desires. The “mirror neurons” research shows that if we’re around a positive and optimistic person we mirror their emotions. So, why not take the lead and leave the other person feeling good, feeling valued, feeling uplifted?
And then go one step beyond and ask “is there something I can do to help?” or “how can I help you make this happen?” Talk about your Mirror Neurons! You’ll be leaving them feeling good about themselves – and about you!
When you make that genuine empathetic “hot-sync” connection with someone else, you’re building trust, and more likely to transform yourself from a stranger to a friend and ally.
What’s your experience? What works for you (and what doesn’t) when you really want to connect with another person one on one? Do mirror neurons play a role in your ability to connect with your audience, if you’re presenting to a group? What if you could learn to easily synchronize your brain waves with someone else’s, to literally be “in-sync”, would you be interested?
by guest blogger Jeffrey Cohen; Jeff is an Executive Coach in New York City
Have you noticed that some people have a knack for getting through to people, convincing them to buy into their plans, goals and desires? It may seem like magic, but it really isn’t.
When the brain’s “mirror neurons” fire, we have the ability to be transported into another person’s mind, briefly making us feel what the other person is experiencing. These cells are nature’s way of teaching us to care about other people.
Neurologist V.S. Ramachandran, director of the Center for Human Information Processing at the University of California, San Diego, calls them “empathy neurons” or “Dalai Lama neurons,” as they dissolve the barriers between self and others. So, what’s the secret to activating the “mirror neurons” when you’re talking to someone?
Rewire Yourself to Listen
Many of us don’t listen well, especially with the people we deal with each day. We think we already know what they’re going to say. We interrupt. We try to top their story with a better (or worse) one of our own. We talk around, over and up against people, with little actual listening to them.
Beware the Amygdala Hijack
The amygdala is a part of the brain that processes memory and emotional reactions (especially fear and anger). When it takes over, the primitive reptile brain runs the show, and surges of adrenaline keep us from thinking clearly over the next few minutes — an effect that may take hours to fade.
The term “amygdala hijack,” first coined by psychologist Daniel Goleman, refers to what happens under acute stress. Goleman uses the term to describe emotional responses from people which are out of measure with the actual threat. An amygdala hijack exhibits three signs: strong emotional reaction, sudden onset, and usually a post-episode realization that the reaction was inappropriate.
If you’ve ever said or done something in the “heat of the moment” that you later regretted you were probably the victim of an amygdala hijack. Sound a little bit like yourself on a bad day? Sometimes you just want to explode when someone “pushes your buttons”?
Use the 6-second rule. Pause for 6 seconds to take 6 deep breaths, think about 6 fun things you want to do over the weekend or anything that will help you focus on something else until the initial reaction to lose control subsides.
Try saying something like: “Thank you for your feedback. I need to think about this. Can we schedule a time to talk about this more tomorrow?”
You don’t. You’d be wasting your time. You must speak to him before the hijack occurs — or talk him down from it using empathy.
Master this short model for empathetic listening. It has two simple steps …
Ask! Listen! –Ask! Listen! — Ask! Listen!
That’s it. Note that “Talk!” is not in this formula.
Here are some sample statements and questions to give you the idea. Remember, ASK, then be quiet and listen:
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes so you can change the dynamics of a relationship in a heartbeat. In that instant, you “get” each other, and this breakthrough leads to cooperation, collaboration and a genuine connection.
When you mirror what another person feels, she’s hardwired to mirror you in return. When you say, “I understand what you’re feeling” — and you mean it — she will feel grateful and, in return, express her appreciation with a desire to understand you. It’s an irresistible biological urge that pulls another person toward you.
“Brain imaging data that shows humans are literally ‘wired to connect’ emotionally,” says Carl Marci, MD. “There is now converging evidence that, during moments of empathic connection, humans reflect or mirror each other’s emotions, and their physiologies move on the same wavelength.”
Most of us want to be heard and understood by others. We want others to buy in to our plans, dreams, and desires. The “mirror neurons” research shows that if we’re around a positive and optimistic person we mirror their emotions. So, why not take the lead and leave the other person feeling good, feeling valued, feeling uplifted?
And then go one step beyond and ask “is there something I can do to help?” or “how can I help you make this happen?” Talk about your Mirror Neurons! You’ll be leaving them feeling good about themselves – and about you!
When you make that genuine empathetic “hot-sync” connection with someone else, you’re building trust, and more likely to transform yourself from a stranger to a friend and ally.
What’s your experience? What works for you (and what doesn’t) when you really want to connect with another person one on one? Do mirror neurons play a role in your ability to connect with your audience, if you’re presenting to a group? What if you could learn to easily synchronize your brain waves with someone else’s, to literally be “in-sync”, would you be interested?
by guest blogger Jeffrey Cohen; Jeff is an Executive Coach in New York City
Have you noticed that some people have a knack for getting through to people, convincing them to buy into their plans, goals and desires? It may seem like magic, but it really isn’t.
When the brain’s “mirror neurons” fire, we have the ability to be transported into another person’s mind, briefly making us feel what the other person is experiencing. These cells are nature’s way of teaching us to care about other people.
Neurologist V.S. Ramachandran, director of the Center for Human Information Processing at the University of California, San Diego, calls them “empathy neurons” or “Dalai Lama neurons,” as they dissolve the barriers between self and others. So, what’s the secret to activating the “mirror neurons” when you’re talking to someone?
Rewire Yourself to Listen
Many of us don’t listen well, especially with the people we deal with each day. We think we already know what they’re going to say. We interrupt. We try to top their story with a better (or worse) one of our own. We talk around, over and up against people, with little actual listening to them.
Beware the Amygdala Hijack
The amygdala is a part of the brain that processes memory and emotional reactions (especially fear and anger). When it takes over, the primitive reptile brain runs the show, and surges of adrenaline keep us from thinking clearly over the next few minutes — an effect that may take hours to fade.
The term “amygdala hijack,” first coined by psychologist Daniel Goleman, refers to what happens under acute stress. Goleman uses the term to describe emotional responses from people which are out of measure with the actual threat. An amygdala hijack exhibits three signs: strong emotional reaction, sudden onset, and usually a post-episode realization that the reaction was inappropriate.
If you’ve ever said or done something in the “heat of the moment” that you later regretted you were probably the victim of an amygdala hijack. Sound a little bit like yourself on a bad day? Sometimes you just want to explode when someone “pushes your buttons”?
Use the 6-second rule. Pause for 6 seconds to take 6 deep breaths, think about 6 fun things you want to do over the weekend or anything that will help you focus on something else until the initial reaction to lose control subsides.
Try saying something like: “Thank you for your feedback. I need to think about this. Can we schedule a time to talk about this more tomorrow?”
You don’t. You’d be wasting your time. You must speak to him before the hijack occurs — or talk him down from it using empathy.
Master this short model for empathetic listening. It has two simple steps …
Ask! Listen! –Ask! Listen! — Ask! Listen!
That’s it. Note that “Talk!” is not in this formula.
Here are some sample statements and questions to give you the idea. Remember, ASK, then be quiet and listen:
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes so you can change the dynamics of a relationship in a heartbeat. In that instant, you “get” each other, and this breakthrough leads to cooperation, collaboration and a genuine connection.
When you mirror what another person feels, she’s hardwired to mirror you in return. When you say, “I understand what you’re feeling” — and you mean it — she will feel grateful and, in return, express her appreciation with a desire to understand you. It’s an irresistible biological urge that pulls another person toward you.
“Brain imaging data that shows humans are literally ‘wired to connect’ emotionally,” says Carl Marci, MD. “There is now converging evidence that, during moments of empathic connection, humans reflect or mirror each other’s emotions, and their physiologies move on the same wavelength.”
Most of us want to be heard and understood by others. We want others to buy in to our plans, dreams, and desires. The “mirror neurons” research shows that if we’re around a positive and optimistic person we mirror their emotions. So, why not take the lead and leave the other person feeling good, feeling valued, feeling uplifted?
And then go one step beyond and ask “is there something I can do to help?” or “how can I help you make this happen?” Talk about your Mirror Neurons! You’ll be leaving them feeling good about themselves – and about you!
When you make that genuine empathetic “hot-sync” connection with someone else, you’re building trust, and more likely to transform yourself from a stranger to a friend and ally.
What’s your experience? What works for you (and what doesn’t) when you really want to connect with another person one on one? Do mirror neurons play a role in your ability to connect with your audience, if you’re presenting to a group? What if you could learn to easily synchronize your brain waves with someone else’s, to literally be “in-sync”, would you be interested?
September 27, 2011 – 12:35 pmby guest blogger Jeffrey Cohen; Jeff is an Executive Coach in New York City
Have you noticed that some people have a knack for getting through to people, convincing them to buy into their plans, goals and desires? It may seem like magic, but it really isn’t.
When the brain’s “mirror neurons” fire, we have the ability to be transported into another person’s mind, briefly making us feel what the other person is experiencing. These cells are nature’s way of teaching us to care about other people.
Neurologist V.S. Ramachandran, director of the Center for Human Information Processing at the University of California, San Diego, calls them “empathy neurons” or “Dalai Lama neurons,” as they dissolve the barriers between self and others. So, what’s the secret to activating the “mirror neurons” when you’re talking to someone?
Rewire Yourself to Listen
Many of us don’t listen well, especially with the people we deal with each day. We think we already know what they’re going to say. We interrupt. We try to top their story with a better (or worse) one of our own. We talk around, over and up against people, with little actual listening to them.
July 10, 2011 – 6:34 pmBONUS Open Focus Exercise
Localizing Feeling, Emotion & Pain is our gift to you. It is the Open Focus exercise mentioned by the a participant during the July 6th Teleseminar. Thank You!
From High Tech to Fashion
Former Silicon Valley Training Director Linda Waldon left a career in the corporate world behind after a layoff – with no regrets, and began a year-long odyssey to choose a new work and life direction for herself. She had no idea what to do next, but viewed the unexpected “time off” as a gift that she was grateful for, an opportunity to unwind, to slow down, and discover what her heart and intuition were telling her.
Head, Heart and Hands
We are each influenced by a combination of preferences for thinking (head), doing (hands) and feeling (heart), and imbalance between them results in stress, unhappiness, and even health problems. After years of intense focus on thinking, intellectual work in the high tech industry, Linda’s stress level from the imbalance in her life was off the charts. In her interview (audio links below), Linda describes the steps she took to move from from this point and make the transformation to work she is passionate about.
She found herself drawn toward art and color and fashion, and ultimately started her own business, True Colors by Linda. She writes a fashion blog called “Find Your Chic” to help women – and men – understand how to dress to stand out, be noticed, to attract the right kind of attention, and to enhance their personal brand.
Interview: How to Make a Work / Life Change – Linda’s Story
Listen below as Linda talks about how she made the transition from high tech corporate career to founder of a fashion consulting business. She describes her self-discovery process, and tells how she feels about her work today (beautifully illustrating the concept of “flow”), then finally offers you her “Top 5 Tips for making a Work/Life Change.”
From High Tech to Fashion
Former Silicon Valley Training Director Linda Waldon left a career in the corporate world behind after a layoff – with no regrets, and began a year-long odyssey to choose a new work and life direction for herself. She had no idea what to do next, but viewed the unexpected “time off” as a gift that she was grateful for, an opportunity to unwind, to slow down, and discover what her heart and intuition were telling her.
Head, Heart and Hands
We are each influenced by a combination of preferences for thinking (head), doing (hands) and feeling (heart), and imbalance between them results in stress, unhappiness, and even health problems. After years of intense focus on thinking, intellectual work in the high tech industry, Linda’s stress level from the imbalance in her life was off the charts. In her interview (audio links below), Linda describes the steps she took to move from from this point and make the transformation to work she is passionate about.
She found herself drawn toward art and color and fashion, and ultimately started her own business, True Colors by Linda. She writes a fashion blog called “Find Your Chic” to help women – and men – understand how to dress to stand out, be noticed, to attract the right kind of attention, and to enhance their personal brand.
Interview: How to Make a Work / Life Change – Linda’s Story
Listen below as Linda talks about how she made the transition from high tech corporate career to founder of a fashion consulting business. She describes her self-discovery process, and tells how she feels about her work today (beautifully illustrating the concept of “flow”), then finally offers you her “Top 5 Tips for making a Work/Life Change.”
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